Seasons of love
by HerHopelessRomantic
Summary: Carlisle and Esme aren't happy, their lives are dragging along and they feel as though they aren't going anywhere. Maybe something special could fix them. Rated M for future reference.
1. Winter Blues

The evenings were becoming darker as the winter storms drew nearer, leaving the sky dark grey in colour, the moon hiding behind them and not a star in sight. The air was bitter cold and the rain continued to hammer down, along with the sleet, leaving the Cullen's with a bleak storm every single night, and most of every day. This was the coldest, nastiest time of the year for vampires; it was the time of year where many of them died out, due to the lack of food, or the actions of other greedy creatures. The Cullen's always made due, they were very efficient and kept supplies in their freezers, candles and lamps in their cellar and always left food out to entice animals into their gardens. But they weren't the only intelligent ones, other Vampires had moved over from the south to hunt, draining every drop of blood from the animals in Forks.

The vicious nights sky was drawing over the doctor as he made his way down the driveway and up towards the house. His day had been long and exhausting, leaving him with a short temper, something he rarely had. He longed to be in the arms of his angel, to hold her and to kiss her, was that too much for him to ask after his long day at work?. Finally he made it to the front door, opening it before carefully slipping inside. The smell he was greeted with was far from unfamiliar to him, and it hit him like a ton of bricks every time he walked through the door; it was of course, Esme's scent. The handsome, blond doctor wasted no time in dropping his belongings at the door, and walking steadily up the stairs to find his soul mate.

"_Esme?" _he called out, his voice as sweet as sugar, and as smooth as silk as it danced across the air, hopefully reaching her ears.

He needn't call to her again, for he knew she'd have sensed his presence. Carlisle followed the beautiful, intoxicating scent through the hallways of the house, leading him to the room he knew she would have resided to anyway; their bedroom. He reached the door in a matter of moments, and stood inside the frame for a few seconds, just simply taking in her beauty. She hadn't noticed his arrival, so he stayed quiet, watching her as she read her book. Somehow Esme could make the simplest of things look so fascinating. Once he felt like he'd seen enough of her, and wanted to have her in his arms instead, he moved forwards into the room with a smile as graceful as ever spread across his lips.

"_Hey there, beautiful" _he whispered, his voice slicing the air as he made his way across the room. Moments later he was beside her, perched on the side of their bed, surrounded by an ocean of satin covers in every shade of blue.

"_What are you reading?" _he asked, intrigued.

_"Sense and sensibility" _she replied.

Carlisle began to make himself comfortable next to her, sliding onto the cushioned mattress and pulling the silk quilts she was harboring onto himself too. His arm arched around her neck and pulled her close, she could still read her book, but he liked to have her close, he was very protective like that and with a single kiss to her temple, he was content. Esme had been reading since the early hours of the morning and she would remain that way every day until her beloved returned home to her.

_"How was your day?" _her voice rang though his ears like a thousand bells aching to be heard.

Did he tell her that his day was long and exhausting, or just simply nod and lie.

_"It was okay, thank you,"_ nod and lie.

Esme simply smiled and placed a gentle kiss to her love's cheek, she could read him like a book, and knew there was something the matter, but she didn't want to ask, not when she had other things on her mind, and didn't want to bother him. Esme often found herself lost in the long hours of the day, wondering about her past life as a human. She had it all as a child; her life was perfect to the outside eye. What Esme craved most in her lonely hours, was a baby, a child of her own. She knew that it could never physically happen, and the thought of not being able to give Carlisle a baby, and to have one of her own was a heartbreaking one at the least.

_"Well, that's good..." She began, forcing a smile. "My day has been uneventful; I've just been thinking a lot... about some things..." _She bit her lip nervously and closed her book, placing it gently onto the side table.

Esme was never good at approaching her husband with things, he was the one that came to her about things, and he always had a way with words, so she pretty much gave in every time. Carlisle smiled halfheartedly at her and blinked with subtle curiosity. He was always eager to hear about her day, and what she'd been thinking, so it was finally nice to have her open up a little more to him, despite the fact that there were no secrets any way.

_"Oh, really?" _he started, his eyebrows knitting together ever so slightly.

_"And what have you been thinking about, then?" _he asked with a light chuckle. He really did love her thoughts and theories; they tended to be extremely entertaining, yet adorable.

_"Well, it's nothing new, really, I ju-.."_ he instantly knew what she was going to say, and his heart dropped at the thought.

_"Esme..."_ he breathed, but before he could continue, she had already stared into his eyes with so much hope and hurt mixed in together. Damn, that look killed him every time. He knew how much it would mean to her, but it simply couldn't happen, and he wasn't in any fit state to talk about it tonight.

_"I'm sorry, but we can't talk about this now how abou-" _he continued, but just like before; he was interrupted by the sudden cold spot next to him.

She had fled to the bathroom and had locked the door in a matter of seconds. Something in his gut was telling him it was going to be a very long night. Esme was never one to over dramatize things, she liked her life simple and didn't want to complicate it in any way, shape or form. Deep in her heart she knew that a baby was something both her and Carlisle wanted, but after trying to talk it over with her husband on many failed attempts, she was beginning to lose all hope in the matter. Before he could even finish his sentence she was gone, hidden in their bathroom, away from the rest of the world. She tried to contain herself and hold back the dry tears that were threatening to emerge from her eyes. She could hear her beloved making his way over to the door at an unusually slow pace, almost like he was doing it to torture her.

_"Esme..." _he breathed again, his voice as soft as ever.

God was he trying to kill her all over again. She didn't reply. She couldn't find the right words to say; so she simply slid down the cold wooden door, her head falling to her knees as she reached the ground.

"_Please... my love, just come out of there_..." he pleaded. She couldn't bare hearing his voice like that; so hurt and in need of love.

"_I'm sorry_," was the only thing she could bare to say, before her head fell again and she began to sob.


	2. Shattered hearts

The hours dragged by as slow as humanly possible, it felt like she was in the bathroom for days, weeks in fact. The clock on the wall ticked away above his blonde head, as if it were mocking him. Luckily for him, vampires couldn't become tired, they just became agitated, so it wasn't like he was losing out on any much needed sleep. Carlisle didn't have the advantage here, he wasn't a man of persuasion, in fact he lacked persuasive skills most of all. Esme failed to stop her dry tears, they just kept reappearing the moment she managed to stop, and the thought of what it must have been doing to Carlisle was making her even worse.

"_Esme, you've been in there for five hours now, please... just come out" he_ whispered against the wood of the door.

He'd managed to get a somewhat comfortable spot on the carpet, leaning against the very same door as his wife as he pleaded for her to come out. He wasn't a man of many words, but he was persistant, and he was going to get her out of there, if it was the last thing he did. Carlisle rose to his feet, his hands balling up into fists as he leaned gently against the door, a rush of guilt washing over him.

"_Esme Cullen, if you don't come out, so help me god, I will tear this door off its hinges myself" _he demanded. Carlisle was not an angry man, but his patience had been worn thin.

"_Stop, please..." _she whispered helplessly to herself as she rocked gently back and forth in a comforting manor.

She was ever so frightened of Carlisle when his temper rose. He was never violent, or abusive towards her, but seeing her perfect, angelic husband using such a stern tone terrified her from the inside, out. Before she could even think about moving away from the door she felt her support being torn away and her delicate frame began to fall backwards, only to be caught by a pair of strong, trusting hands. Esme let out a small, almost inaudible gasp as she was lifted from the ground by her husband's gently hands.

"_Let go of me, right now," _she scolded, not moving a muscle, she stayed dead still with her back to him. She waited patiently for him to release her, and when he silently refused to release her, she broke.

_"You have absolutely no idea, do you!" _she shouted, breaking free of his hold with her super human strength.

_"You have no right to tell me I'm wrong to want this, It's not selfish, and it's not something I want, it's something I need." _she continued, her voice ringing through the house, probably starting a commotion among the children.

_"I need to be a mother, Carlisle. I need it for my sanity, and as much as I love our children, it will never be the same, and you can't seem to grasp that, I wish with all of my heart that you would... but you simply don't." _she came to a shaky stop, but she was far from finished with him, he was going to finally understand exactly how she felt.

_"I don't want to fight about this anymore, I want you to listen to me, I have a voice too, and an opinion. I'd like for it to even be heard, instead of brushed aside like some chore you're going to do later when you're bored." _that should do it, he was in a bad enough mood, and didn't need her screaming in his ear all night, she'd made her point, and it was time to hear what he had to say on the matter.

Carlisle tried his hardest to interject a comment, or a point, but he was shot down by her screaming every time. If he still had a working heart, it would have broken and shattered into a thousand pieces at the sight of her. She was a complete mess, and she had been ever since Bella had fallen pregnant. He bit his lip to stop himself from breaking too that was the last thing she needed from him at a time like this. He raised a hand to her face, in attempt to brush her cheek gently, but it was slapped down within a matter of vampire seconds. He didn't even see her move.

_"Esme, please... I can't begin to explain how sorry I am that you feel this way, but there's nothing we can do. This is who we are, and I'm the cause of this, I am the reason you cannot bear a child. I was the one who foolishly changed you, when you wished to die. It's all down to me, so you can scream and shout and tell me how much I 'don't care'. But it's all rubbish, because I think about what I did to you every single day, and I feel so terrible for it. You shouldn't be stuck here for eternity with me; you should be up in heaven with the angels, and your son. I'm the most selfish creature on this planet." _his rant hit her hard; he could see it in her eyes.

Within a matter of seconds, Carlisle had fled their room and marched down into the living room, a pillow under one arm and a midnight blue quilt under the other. Before he knew it, the clock above the fireplace had struck midnight, his thoughts were running wild around his head and he couldn't seem to control them. He couldn't get the image of his wife out of his head, completely distraught, and utterly broken.

Elsewhere, Esme lay on the armchair in their bedroom, her head still spinning from their heated argument. She simply couldn't bring herself to sleep on the bed they shared whilst they weren't talking, and if he had to mess his back up on the couch, she would do the same, on the armchair. Her brain was trying to wrap around everything that'd just happened, and the effort of it all was making her pretty little head hurt. She rolled over in attempt to get comfortable and was met by the most warming of scents. Carlisle had left his dressing gown on the back of the armchair and the smell radiating from it was absolutely heavenly. She could have sworn blind she felt her vampire heart flutter a litte at the scent, even though it was physically impossible, he still had this effect on her. Her head and heart were in full blown war at this precise moment; should she go down to him and slide under his covers and into his arms, where she belonged, or did she simply stay there, and stay mad at him for a little while longer. Eventually her head made the final decision, leaving Carlisle to sleep alone and Esme completely torn.

_"I'm broken without you..." _she barely whispered before wrapping the dressing gown around herself tightly and inhaling her husband's perfect scent.


	3. I need you in my arms

The house was silent; the only sound was the clock ticking on the wall. The sound was mocking them both, reminding them how alone they were with every single tick. The distance between them too much for Carlisle to handle, he hated being apart from her as it was, but to be this far from her, and have her mad at him was even worse. He wondered if she was thinking of him, or what he'd said to her, which had been extremely harsh, yet it'd been true; he did feel that way.

"_Dad?" why are you on the couch..." _ Alice whispered as she appeared from the hallway.

"_I- uh. Esme and I had a fight" _he replied.

_"I'm sorry. Are you okay?"_

_"No, I feel terrible, Alice. She was only trying to tell me how she felt about something, and I snapped at her. Now she's mad at me"_

_"You know, I don't think she's feeling too great about it either. Maybe you should go and see her? You know, make sure she's okay... because it's clear that you aren't, and if this is about what I think it is, she's going to need you." _Alice explained. She was always right; of course she was. She was able to see the future.

_"Maybe your right..." _he started, his eyebrows knitting together. _"When did you get so smart?" _ He added, his lips curving into a small smile.

Carlisle pressed a gentle kiss to his daughter's forehead and passed her a thankful smile. He loved his children more than anything, and was glad he had their help and support with everything he wanted. With the blink of an eye Alice had returned his smile with a sweet one of her own, and vanished. She had always been his favorite, he envied her enthusiasm and her ability to make good of any situation. Carlisle sat in silence for a few moments and finally decided to go and comfort his wife. Elsewhere, Esme had the same idea, and was already on her way to find him. She'd made her way out of their room, it wasn't normal without him there, and she was going to change that as soon as she could. She tiptoed silently across the wooden floors, heading towards the living room. Her eyes watched the ground as her feet took her to wherever her heart desired, and within a matter of seconds she had collided with her love. His strong arms weaved around her and held her tight, locking her in a protective cage against his chest; and if she was honest, it was the best feeling in the world.

_"I'm sorry," _they breathed in sync.

Carlisle could have sworn his heart had come back to life and was beating faster than the speed of light. His breath hitched in the back of his throat as he caught a whiff of her scent, it was so sweet, like honey and cinnamon, and he was drawn in by it.

_"I should be the one apologizing, darling," _Carlisle's chin found its favorite place in her hair and rested there, his eyes falling closed at the comforting sensation.

_"I shouldn't have mentioned it so soon, It was wrong of me"_

_"No, my love." I'd had a rough day at work and I ended up taking it out on you, and for that I am deeply sorry. But you must understand what I said to you" _He felt her pull from his grip ever so slightly but he held her in place, exactly where she belonged.

_"I do feel terribly guilty for what I have deprived you of. I want you to know that I would give everything I have, if it meant I could give you a child. I can't tell you enough-" _he was cut off by an ice cold finger against his lips.

_"Hush, dear." _she began, _"I did some thinking tonight, and I realised that I don't need a child, I don't need any of it, because you know what?" _she questioned and his eyebrows knitted together. _"I have you, and that is all I'm ever going to need." _She finished with a small smile and a relieved sigh.

Their eyes met and he swore he could feel his heart racing again. Speechless, Carlisle Cullen was speechless.

_"I love you," _was all he could seem to say at that point, but it worked. Esme fell against his chest and rose up onto her tiptoes, her lips finally reaching the same height as his.

_"I love you, too," _she breathed, her icy breath found his skin and sent a trail of Goosebumps along his spine.

Within moments the pair had moved back to their comfortable bed, and had slipped under the ocean of satin quilts. They were exactly where they belonged now; in each other's arms. Esme's eyes fell closed and her husbands matched them, the pair falling slowly into a peaceful daze.

_"Esme, do you remember our wedding vows?" _he asked.

_"Yes, of course I do, but why-" _

_"I just remember one of my promises being, that I would provide you anything that you ever wanted, or desired." _he paused for a brief moment, placing a kiss to her soft lips. _"I'm going to keep to that promise, my love. Just you wait," _and with that the pair fell silent, their minds wandering to the ins and outs of their endless possibilities.


	4. Broken Dreams

The night flashed past them as they layed together, the sound of the rain tapping on the windows and the wind wrapping around the glass house made their time together a little less peaceful, yet the pair still stayed there, completely content with one another. Vampires didn't sleep, but they often drifted into a sleep-like daydream, in which they fall almost unconscious. This had been the case recently for Esme, she hadn't felt like getting up in the mornings, she simply didn't feel like it. Not when she had a perfectly good book in front of her, and nothing do to around the house. Carlisle on the other hand, had been rushed off his feet at work. It was always the same around this time of year, people would constantly be sick and in need of his care, which he thrived to give.

Both sets of eyes peeped open ever so slightly as the sunlight shone through the crack in the curtains, causing a beautiful glow to spread across their faces. Their porcelain skin sparkled in the sunlight and the reflections filled the rooms walls. A pair of honey eyes squinted, and another pair burst open with delight. Esme had instantly realised that the weather was nice, and she could finally get some gardening done again. A small groan supressed Carlisle's lips as he glanced into the sun, taking it as an indication to the new day; a day of work.

"_Morning, Handsome," _Esme beamed, rolling over in his arms and pressing her soft, yet cold lips against his.

_"Morning, my love" _he replied, a small smile creeping onto his face.

There was nothing more said between the pair as they moved from their current positions and prepared to start the day. Esme moved over to her vanity mirror and ran a brush gently through her glossy locks, whilst Carlisle headed for the shower, gathering his clothes as he went. Vampires are completely sterile, but Carlisle always felt the need to wash in the mornings, it seemed to wash his worries away with warm water, and make him feel somewhat human again.

Esme pulled on a lavender dress and let her curls fall over her shoulders, once she was satisfied with her appearence she headed for the bathroom. She pulled the handle slowly until the door clicked open and she was greeted by a gust of steam. An instant blush spread across her porcelain cheeks as she caught a glimpse of her stunning husband. He had was facing away from her and she decided not to bother him, even though he knew she was there. He scrubbed gently at his skin as he listened to her delicate movements. She was so elegant with everything she did, it was mesmerizing to watch. His hazel eyes glanced in her direction as he took in everything she was doing, her face was glowing and her eyes were doing the same; something was obviously making her happy. Just as he was about to lean out and press a kiss to her perfect head, she upped and left the room, reandering him a little speechless.

Before he she knew it, he'd finished up in the bathroom and was standing behind her, fully clothed and clean. She was just playing hard to get, but it was failing. He was just too quick for her.

_"Well, that was fast. Usually you take much longer in there-" _she began.

_"Sh, and kiss me." _was all he could manage to say before she'd whipped around and leaned in close to him, their lips almost touching and before he even had the chance to latch his lips to hers, she was gone. Esme stood on the other side of the room, smiling flirtatiously at him in his frustrated state. He was so adorable when he was flustered.

"_Going once, going twice.." _he mumbled as he headed for the door, breifcase and doctors jacket in hand.

Esme didn't think twice about it, she leapt across the room and flung her arms around his muscular neck, causing him to drop the belongings he was holding and let them flutter to the floor, his arms then snaking around her waist. Their lips connected in a sweet, satisfying kiss that caused them both to smile uncontrollably.

"_You may go to work now,"_ she beamed, running her thumb gently over his bottom lip before slipping out of his protective arms.

_"Thank you, my love. I'll be home before you know it."_ he replied, smiling half heartedly.

Carlisle then slipped from the room silently, turning back to blow her a kiss, and mouth the words 'I love you', before he vanished into thin air. The only thing that told her that he was gone, was the sound of his tires on the driveway. The moment the sound vanished, she began to sob. Esme was never given a true gift when she became a vampire, only a strong bond with the people she loved, but she did have one good quality; hiding her emotions from the world.

Esme had been bottling her feelings up for so long, and was still choked up by her husbands words from the previous night. She didn't feel like he'd listened to her, or taken her feelings on board, which killed her. Carlisle was going to head off to work, and assume everything was fine, which was what she wanted. If she couldn't have a baby, then she would have to get used to it, some how and she didn't want to drag him down with her as she spiralled into depression over her broken dream. It wasn't his fault, after all.

Esme cleaned herself up once again, removing the streaked mascara from under her eyes and before she knew it, she looked normal again. But for how long this time?.

Gardening was a passion of Esme's, she loved the silence and the satisfaction it gave her when she was able to look out over her beautiful garden. It was such a relaxing task for her, so she decided it would be a good distraction, too. She stepped carefully down the stairs and walked towards the large glass doors that looked out onto their large yard. A sigh escaping her lips as she opened them and breathed in the muggy air.

Maybe, just maybe today would be a little better for her.


	5. The Huntsman

The day had flown past them both, Esme had refurbished the entire garden before lunchtime, and started on the house soon after. In the meantime, Carlisle had been in the OR all afternoon performing a sucessful heart transplant. The pair were pretty tired and in need of comfort from one another.

Emse finished up her cleaning duties in the kitchen, trying to keep everything looking nice and tidy. The kitchen wasn't in use most of the time, only when she discovered a new thing she could make from blood; but she liked to keep it tidy anyway. She was busy closing the cuboards and cleaning the surfaces when her super human hearing picked up the sound of her husbands car on the drive. Esme pretended not to hear it, and carried on with her chore, working up the courage to smile for him.

_"Esme, Darling. I'm home!"_ he called from the door as he hung his coat and dropped his case. He made his way up the stairs, loosening his tie as he went.

_"Oh, I'm in the kitchen, my love" _she replied, bracing herself for his entrance.

The moment she was in his sight he knew there was something wrong, and that she was upset. He could have sworn he felt his heart sink, even though his chest was hollow. She didn't seem right, she didn't seem _herself._ He strode over to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, causing her to jump a little and take in a tiny, yet sharp gasp. This wasn't right, and he knew it.

_"Esme, what ever is the matter?" _he asked, his voice quiet and soothing.

_"It's nothing, dear. I'm perfectly fine." _she explained, but he was far from convinced. His eyebrows knitted together with worry and before he could speak, she had cut him off with a finger to his lips.

_"Carlisle, I am okay. I promise you.." _she drifted.

She didn't want to bring it all up again, but he was getting suspicious of her actions, and she couldn't keep it up for much longer. She used her imagination and simply stated that she was just thirsty.

_"Well then, we'll go hunting now." _he beamed. Carlisle loved keeping his wife happy, and would go to the ends of the earth to do so, but there was something in her eyes that was decieving him, and he couldn't put his finger on it. If blood was what she desired, it was exactly what she was going to get.

_"Okay," _she muttered, moving from his embrace and shuffling silently over to the door to retrieve their coats. She handed him a warm, fleeced jacket and pulled her simple barber jacket on before the pair upped and left the house.

Hunting was always very straight forward for the Cullens, they were very skilled at it, and never came home empty handed. They never usually hunted in the woods behind the house, it would be too obvious if all the animals in their woods suddenly started to vanish, so they went south a little and hunted on the border of town. They always went unnoticed, and they had never come across a single human on their travels there.

Carlisle took one of her ivory hands into his own and flashed her a concerned, yet loving smile, receiving a nod of confirmation from her and sprinting off into the darkness. Carlisle could have sworn that the pounding noise that rang out through his ears was his heart beat, as impossible as that was, it seemed to feel real to him in some way. Suddenly his senses ground to a halt and his direction changed, causing him to scoop his beloved up into his arms as he ploughed through the snow and headed towards the beautiful scent they craved so badly; blood. Before Esme could comprehend what had happened, she was leaping from his arms and onto the hind legs of a doe and Carlisle watched as his love pounce onto her prey, her eyes bright and face as beautiful as ever; she was a vision. Esme pinned the animal to the ground and within a matter of seconds it was dead. The woods fell silent as she moved from the limp animal, making hes way around to it's neck. It's eyes were still and lifeless, with a fear stricken expression; it was the expression she hated the most, it just showed her how much of a monster she was for killing innocent animals. Carlisle gently ripped the animals main artery with his talented teeth and pressed his thumb to the wound, allowing her to step in beside him and drink for herself, because she was his main priority, not his thirst. Her head lulled down onto the animal's neck as she drank, her eyes regaining their rightful colour as she became full and satisfied. Her husband waisted no time in latching onto one of the defenseless creatures hind quarters, sinking his pearly white teeth into her flesh. His whole body relaxed and pleasure took over him as they drained the doe of every drop.

The walk home was quiet and a little awkward, if Carlisle was concerned. He knew his wife inside out, and could tell there was something other than 'thirst' bothering her, and she was going to tell him, even if he had to get Edward to drag it out of her.

_"Esme, darling. What is troubling you? Is it about the yesterday?, because I am truly sorry that I snapped at you, I never meant to make you feel-" _He was cut off by her sudden exit from his sight. He froze for a split second, only to be struck with the scent of a human near by. There was no risking it today, they were not to be caught out in that part of the woods, so he simply shot forwards and grasped her hand from behind, pulling her onto his back before launching through the branches and trees until he finally met the back of their home. The dimly lit windows gave off a holesome vibe, letting her down off his back they both glanced up at the tall building and smiled, almost feeling human for a second. Esme was the first to speak, breaking the unbareble silence.

"_at least we escaped the huntsman" _she informed him, lacing her fingers with him as she headed for the warmth of their home. Things were going to get better now, surely.


	6. First Steps to Recovery

Blood lust wasn't the only thing getting Esme down and her husband had picked up on it quickly. The pair could rarely hide their feelings from each other, they had been married for over two hundred years after all. It was extremely hard to keep secrets in their household, Alice could see them coming, and Edward could read minds, so they always knew what was happening, and they sure as hell knew why Esme was so distant.

The pair headed into the house after their glorious hunt. Carlisle darting to the shower and Esme to the wash room to do their clothes. They switched roles when the other was done, bouncing off each other all night until they finally settled in the living room, alone.

* * *

Edward and Alice had been talking for weeks about Esme's thoughts and feelings, yet she was completely unaware of it. They had come to the conclusion that she wasn't going to get over it just like that, and needed more time and support, so they decided to try and do something about it.

_"She's not going to get over this in one week, it's not some stupid head cold" _Edward began, shooting daggers at Alice who happened to sit opposite from him on her bed.

_"She'll get there, I can see it.." _Alice drifted.

_"No, it won't go away Alice. Not just like that.. she's fragile.. and Carlisle doesn't seem to see it as well as we do." _he said.

_"Well, then we need to do something, and get Rosalie to help, too. She knows Esme better than any of us, bar Carlisle." _Alice explained, her head lulling back until she was leaning against her headboard, a gentle huff leaving her lips.

_"It's nearly Christmas, we'll keep her mind off things. I promise it'll work, we'll make it the best day ever, and she'll be forced to forget about it." _he replied, his lips curling up into a lopsided grin.

_"Okay, we'll try. But that still doesn't explain the baby I see in our families future.." _she mused.

_"No, no it doesn't. But it'll all become clear soon enough." _with that Alice passed him a sweet smile and they drifted into talking about ordinary things.

* * *

Whilst the two of them continued their conversation, Esme sat by her husbands side in the livingroom, knitting something for Renesme. Carlisle kept his eyes fixed on the screen and his hand firmly on her thigh as the documentary on heart bypass conituned to play. Esme flinched ever so slightly when Carlisle's grip on her tightened and his eyes turned to meet hers.

"_Can we stop this now?" _he started, his eyes fell to his hand and his head fell forward gently.

_"S-stop what.." _she asked, alerted.

_"You're pretending your okay, when it's clear to everyone in this house that you aren't. You need to get through this, not just for me, but for yourself. I need you by my side, and I need you happy, content. I don't need you like this, my love. I hate it, I cannot stand seeing it." _He explained, his expression dropped completely and if he could produce tears, they would be running down his face as he spoke.

_"I'm dealing with it, Carlisle. I promise you I am. I don't want to feel like this and I know it probably won't work out, so I've given up on the idea and I'm moving on. I'll get there.. I will." _she mumbled, her voice fading into a small sob.

_"I am here to help you, sweetheart. I always will be, and you know that.." _he explained, and before he could continue he was cut off by a harmony of voices by the door.

_"So will we. You won't get rid of us that easily." _The crowd of children beamed from the doorway.

Esme's eyes closed for a brief moment and she let out a much needed sigh. Her heart sank in her chest, what must her children think of her. She has everything, why does she need a baby? they must think. Either that, or they didn't feel enough for her. They were wrong if they thought that, it couldn't have been further from the truth. She loved them all so much, and that was enough for her, they were making her see this more clearly now.

_"All of you, come here?" _she beamed in her motherly tone and watched as the bunch of beautiful faces strode towards her and perched on the couch around Carlisle and hersel.

_"I'm sorry. I really am." _she began. _"I can't help the way I feel, it's just the way I am. I want to be a mother, I would die to have a child of my own. But you know what?" _she whispered, smiling lovingly at each and every one of them. _"I already am a mother. To all of you, and I love you so, so much. You do realise that I would do anything for you? Protect you from anything, walk to the ends of the earth to keep you happy. You all mean so much to me, and a baby isn't going to change that, so I need to accept that I already have five beautiful children and embrace my life as it is." _She explained, her hands dropping their belongings and reaching out to take one of Edward's and one of Alice's.

All five of them bundled gently onto the couch, cuddling up against their mother and father figures. Edward rested his head against Esme's shoulder, Rosalie and Alice slid in between them and Jasper settled on one side of Carlisle, Emmett on the opposite side. They were finally getting Esme to see sense, and what a fantastic feeling it was, knowing they were helping her to get through her troubles. The evening slipped away from them and the little family stayed huddled up on the couch for hours with the fire roaring and a cheesy movie to keep them busy. It was the perfect night.


	7. Merry Christmas, Darling

**Quick note;**

**I won't be updating for a week as I am away, but I shall get to it as soon as I return!**

Christmas came around faster than any of them expected. Esme's hopes and dreams of being a mother had been faded out into the back of her mind as her family prepared for the upcoming holiday. She still had a nagging feeling inside, telling her that she wasn't centred or balanced, but she was working through it with the help for Carlisle and their children. The days leading up to Christmas eve were so special to her, she got to spend them with everyone she loved, including some visitors from Alaska. She was finally starting to feel at peace, and like she wouldn't be sad forever. The house was decorated beautifully, every room consisted of lights and the occasional holly reef. The family room was lit up by an enormous christmas tree that the seven of them had decorated together. It was colour coordinated with reds and whites, and looked truly stunning in the corner by the fireplace. Joyful laughs and Christmas carols flooded from every room, creating a warm, wholesome feeling throughout the entire house.

The pair sat amongst masses of midnight blue sheets as they wrapped their children's presents at vampire speed. The task was something they did together every year, they would drink blood from the freezer in wine glasses and would go about the holiday in a very human-like way.

_"Esme, dear. Could you pass me the scissors?" _He asked, his honey eyes meeting hers and causing a warm smile to cross his face.

_"Of course," _she replied, handing him the desired item.

_"Thank you,"_ he began, his smile never fading as he finished wrapping the music books they had bought for Edward. _"What are you thinking?" _he asked, feeling a little concerned that she hadn't expressed herself to him in a little while.

_"I am thinking how happy and lucky I am to have you and the children. I cannot thank you all enough for being here for me when I needed you the most." _she replied, her eyes never once leaving Rosalie's gift as she wrapped it so precisely.

Carlisle leaned over to her and pressed his cold lips to the ivory skin of her cheek. He missed the connection between them, they hadn't been as close as usual and that killed him. He was to blame for the most part of it all, he hated seeing her so hurt and upset because of him, so he became distant and very quiet.

_"I miss us, you know." _he barely whispered. _"I miss the way we were and the way everything used to be. I love you so, so much. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't come to me, or you can't talk to me. I am here, Esme. I am here for you no matter what you need, alright. I don't care what it is, I want you to feel like you can come to me." _he let the small lump in his throat dissolve and a small sigh fell right after.

Esme didn't expect that in the slightest, she assumed the family was trying to keep quiet about everything and not bring her 'feelings' up in conversation. She was more than grateful to him for his little speech, and she knew he meant every word of it. Her eyes found a way up to his and she smiled sweetly at him, his smile always did things to her. She pushed all of the gifts to one side and leapt forwards onto her husband, grabbing his wrists and pinning them to the bed behind him. Giggles and squeals supressed from both of them as Carlisle fell back and Esme landed onto him with a gentle impact.

_"I love you, you know." _she whispered, her voice sweet and soft.

_"I know you do, Sweetheart. I hope you are aware that I love you, also." _he replied with a nod of his head.

This was the Esme he knew and loved, she was coming back to him at last, and he couldn't have been more relieved. He found his hands gripping at her waist and his thumbs beginning to draw circles over her hip bones. It was times like this that he would remember forever, they didn't have to have a meaning to them, or a story behind them, they were just going to be happy memories. Carlisle lips were suddenly connected to hers, capturing him by supprise.

_"We have things to get done, my love.." _he whispered, clearing his throat a little. _"We don't have time to-" _his words were cut short by her lips again, pressed against his. He was powerless to stop himself from returning it with as much love and passion as he could, until she sat upright, her beautiful eyes falling down onto his for a brief moment before she hopped off him and took her place on the bed, ready to finish off their wrapping. A kiss was all she wanted from him, and a kiss was exactly what she got. The pair continued with their work, wrapping everything in record time. They talked about everything and anything as they worked, laughs and squeals leaving their lips and smiles spread across their faces. Hours flew past them as they wrapped and taped, they didn't even glance at the clock once as they worked, the only thing they were really interested in was each other. By the time Carlisle detached his eyes from hers and glanced at the clock it had gone eleven and it was time for them to put the presents under the tree.

Esme clutched a few boxes under one arm and held Carlisle's hand with the other as the pair tiptoed down the stairs to plant the boxes where they belonged. Carlisle couldn't help but smile the entire way down as she tried to be quiet and sneaky, which wasn't one of her talents. She stepped on every single creaky floorboard and walked into every object in sight as they walked down the hallway and into the living room. Before she knew what had happened Carlisle had whipped the presents from under her arm and arranged them carefully under the tree.

_"I could have done that," _she stated, her eyes narrowing playfully at him.

_"I wanted to do it, dear." _he replied as he rose to his feet and walked towards her, scooping her hands up into his own and placing a gentle kiss to the top of them.

_"Merry Christmas, Darling." _she whispered, leaning up to peck his ice cold lips gently.

With that, the pair took a seat on the couch and closed their eyes in contentment. Sleeping wasn't an option, but they seemed to doze off into a sleep-like state, their eyes closed and their breathing heavy as they cuddled together, the night slowly passing them by.

* * *

Morning came and the Cullen children were as excited as ever, they loved Christmas. It was the favourite holliday among the family, and everyone got involved with the celebrations. Edward and Rosalie were the first to wake from their dazed state, Rose then woke Emmett and the three of them bounded towards Alice and Jasper's room. Once all 5 of them were awake they all bundled up the stairs and into their parents room, only to find it empty. Jasper scratched his head gently and Emmett rubbed his eyes as he looked around for them.

_"Where are they?"_ Rosalie asked, glancing out of the window quickly, noticing that Carlisle's car was still there.

_"How should I know?" _Alice replied, turning on her heels to walk back down the stairs, Jasper's hand in her own.

The cluster of children piled down the stairs and barged through into the living room, only to stop dead in their tracks at the sight. Their parents were still curled up together on the couch before them, Carlisle's arms wrapped protectively around Esme as if she were fine china. It was an adorable sight for them to have witnessed, so they stood and took it in for a brief moment, each one of them was silent, until a familiar voice arose.

_"What are you all staring at, come over here" _Esme muttered from inside her protective cage. _"Come on, all of you!" _she beamed, glancing up as all of them bounded over and leapt onto the couch together.

Shrieks and laughs escaped all of their lips as they leapt one by one off the couch to retrieve their presents. Edward returned with his box of music books, tightly wrapped in silver paper. Rosalie bounded back over with her cashmere jumper, Alice and Jasper returned to the couch with their small boxes too, one filled with old books and the other held a simple necklace. Emmett was the last to arrive back at the couch, holding 3 boxes under his arm. He handed one to Carlisle and one to Esme, before opening his own one. Esme's eyes widened as she opened her box, it held a beautiful pair of earrings that she'd had her eyes ever since she could remember.

"_They're beautiful!" _She chirped and flung her arms around her husband, kissing his cheek lovingly. She was having the morning of her life, and she never wanted it to end. "_Thank you so much."_

_"I knew you wanted them, my love and please, there is no need to thank me," _he replied, smiling softly before be opened his own present. Carlisle had always been a sucker for sculptures, so this was the best present of all time. His smile turned into the widest of grinn's as he pulled it gently from it's box. It was a hand crafted globe made from all different types of glass and marble, it was absolutely stunning. _"Where on earth did you find this, it's exquisite!" _he beamed, running his fingers over every inch of it.

_"I had it made for you at that little place in town, you know the one next to the library?" _she stated with a soft smile.

The pair sat back as their children unwrapped their own presents in unison, all of their faces glowing with excitement as they pulled the gifts from their boxes. It was going to be the perfect day for them, everything was going well and Esme was happy, that was the main thing. The day's events consisted of games and singing along with Edwards as he played beautiful carlos from his piano. The dinner was much different from others, Carlisle had hunted most nights and brought things home for them to have, so each of them ended up with a thigh or a hock of an animal that they could tuck into. The hours flew past them and before they knew it, it was pretty late. The children all huddled around the fireplace to say their thanks and good nights before they drifted off slowly into their own rooms, leaving Carlisle and Esme back on that very same couch.

_"I have one last thing for you, Esme." _He stated, his voice was low and serious.

_"Carlisle, you didn't need to get me anything more. I love my earings." _she stated, looking puzzled as he handed her an envelope.

_"This is your real present, and I know you will like it," _he left it there, and watched as she opened it. Her eyes still puzzled as she began to read the letter enclosed.

_"I don't understand.." _she mumbled, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

_"Esme, it's a letter from an adoption agency. They want to meet us in the new year to discuss giving us a baby." _he stated slowly. He bit his lip gently as he awaited her response, hoping she would be happy, rather than sad.

_"Carlisle, I- I don't know what to say.. I can't believe you would do this for me..." _she drifted, her breathing increasing as she took everything in.

_"I wanted to. I want this, Esme. I want to make you happy, and if that is what it takes, then so be it. I love you too much to see you suffer like this any longer." _those were the last words he could get out before she had crashed her lips to his in a moment of sheer passion. She had never been happier before, and it was all down to him, this was surely the best Christmas she'd ever had.


	8. Just what the Doctor ordered

**Sorry this has taken me so long, but I'm back now and ready so keep up again! I will be posting the next chapters shortly. Thank you for reading, and your feedback is always appreciated.**

**This chapter is rated M for mature content.**

'_they want to meet us in the new year to discuss giving us a baby' _

The words hadn't left her head in weeks, they hummed through her brain like they had been there forever. Weeks had passed them by and nothing more had been said on the matter, they were nervously waiting for that telephone call from the agency, and what a long wait it was. Carlisle continued working at the hospital and Esme continued on getting the house up to scratch, they kept pretty much to themselves during the day, but their evenings were always spent together, simply being with one another. The past few days had been a little strenuous for Esme, she'd spent the entire time trying to catch her husband alone to talk about their up and coming meeting. Carlisle had been working a lot more than usual over the past weeks, but that was due to the lack of decent weather, he was the only doctor that could be on call in the now and storms. It was late in the evening and Esme was rather fidgety about talking with Carlisle, so she simply did so. She finished making their bed and just as she did, the front door slammed shut, causing her to jump a little.

_"Carlisle?," _she called out to him, and within a flash he was by her side, dropping his case to the ground.

_"Hello there, my love"_ he whispered in response, placing his icy lips to her cheek for a brief moment.

_"How was your day?" _she asked, trying to maintain a simple conversation with him before she dove in for the gold.

_"It was average" _he replied to her with a cocked eyebrow. Damnit, he'd caught her out.

_"Oh, I'm sorry darling.." _she drifted, sighing ever so quietly before she managed to gather the courage to continue_. "I don't want to push you dear, but I was was just.. I was wondering when we we're going to set up that meeting?" _she practically winced.

_"If you had just waited until tonight, I'd have told you that they called. I wanted it to be a special moment, but you wouldn't be the woman I'd fallen in love with if you hadn't asked, because she doesn't know how to wait." _he teased, his hands finding the sides of her face.

Esme could barely contain her excitement, she flung her arms around her loves neck and pulled him close, kissing his porcelain lips repeatedly. Carlisle lifted her from the ground and span her round, propping her gently onto the bed with a flash smile. Their lips met in a delicious kiss, lingering there together for a few moments before they reluctantly pulled away from each other. It had been a while since they took part in any sort of intimate acts, but that was all to do with time and work, it wasn't as if they weren't attracted to each other anymore, that could never be the case. A shaky breath escaped Esme's lips as her husbands face lingered before her, threatening to reach forward and violate her lips perfectly once again.

_"D-do you have to go back to work?" _she asked almost inaudibly, her fingers nervously toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.

_"No, I'm all yours," _he began, a subtle smirk crossing his pale lips.

_"Good, I've missed you, you know" _she barely whispered, pulling his face towards hers slowly.

Within moments Esme had fallen backwards gracefully, allowing her dress to pool around her in an elegant fashion; she was a beautiful, pale vision surrounded by their midnight blue sheets. Her hands gripped gently at the fabric as she shot her lust filled eyes at Carlisle. He couldn't resist her, not when she was like this. Her eye's were fixated on his, pleading him to join her. She never had to ask him twice. He was laying over her before she even had to bat her lashes, knee's bent and hands above her head. Carlisle was a patient man, and would have waited an eternity for her to make the first move, but he could see the want in her eyes, the desire. His lips assaulted every inch of her face, taking in every single ounce of her beautiful, icy flesh. Her neck was the next place he'd fall to, nipping and sucking gently on her skin as he began to trail them downwards, reaching the top of her dress buttons. His talented teeth began working on the loose fabric whilst his hands fought the dress up over her head, revealing her perfect frame.

_"You're so beautiful," _he whispered contently.

_"Stop talking and kiss me again," _she muttered breathlessly. Whatever he was doing to her was setting off all the right senses, making her feel like she was on cloud nine.

There was no need to ask him twice, he simply put his lips to good work and kissed down her chest, between her breasts and right the way down to her navel. That spot below her belly button was his favourite spot, it was the softest part of her entire body, and in his opinion it was the most sensitive. He felt her skin quiver ever so slightly as he brushed his fingers over his favourite spot, her hips rocking forwards slowly as he pressed his lips to it, causing a smirk to spread across his lips. They hadn't been this intimate in months, kisses had been exchanged, but nothing like this, this was simply sensational. Esme's hands went to work on his shirt buttons as he worked his way back up her body, leaving open mouthed kisses over her skin as he went. Carlisle's shirt was fluttering to the floor before he knew it, he didn't even have to look, he simply heard it as it landed on the wooden floor. Looking away from her now would have been torture, she was probably the more beautiful than he'd ever seen her, and this was all down to the fact that she was happy, and hopefull. Carlisle suddenly felt a warm sensation just above his belt, it was almost as if he had pins and needles there. He glanced downwards between their bodies, only to notice Esme's slender fingers working their way down towards his belt buckle. He knew she wanted in there, but he was determined to worship every single inch of her first. Esme began to fumble with the beautifully engraved belt buckle, her talented fingers working to unhook it in a matter of moments, and before he knew it his pants were being pushed gently down his legs by her delicate feet. This was it, they were coming closer to being naked, closer to something that had been put off, or pushed aside for months.

"_I love you," _was the only thing she could manage to mutter out between her unsteady breathing. She was almost frustrated, not quite, but almost. There was a certain type of tension in the air, she was beginning to worry that she was the only one who was feeling it.

_"I love you, too. I really, really do." _he forced out as she brushed her hand over the front of his underwear. Her skin was ice cold, but she felt as warm as anything to him, maybe it was just the way he sensed things from her now.

Esme wasted no time in hooking her nimble fingers into his undergarments and gently pulling them down, her eyes locked to his at all times. His hands found a task, and set to it immediately, copying her actions perfectly and sliding her lace breifs off in one swift movement. This was it, everything other than what they were doing became irrelevant, and nothing else in the world mattered to them. Esme could feel her husband pressing gently against her and the sensation drove her absolutely insane, she reached her hands up around his neck and twirlled her fingers up in his blond locks, as if to balance herself. Her loves hands found themselves on her hips, drawing circles with their thumbs. Carlisle waited for the right moment, and it always came, every single time. She would bat her lashes up at him and a tiny crooked, yet beautiful smile would spread across her face, and that's when he knew she was ready for him. He wasted no time, yet did not rush his entrance, it was slow and pleasurable for both him, and her. There had been so much build up to this moment over the months, they had put it off for all the wrong reasons, or had been too busy to even think about it, but now that it was happening, the pair couldn't have been happier.

_"Oh, my" _Was the first thing to leave Esme's lips as her love began to move gently inside of her.

Carlisle never responded, his lips crashing to hers was a good enough response for her. Her legs tangled delicately around his waist and she began pulling him down onto her, forcing him deeper inside. Carlisle could feel the tension leaving his body as he connected to his beloved, joining every inch of them together. He was almost speechless, but dialogue was never a mandatory part of this kind of intimacy, it was merely outbursts of pleasure causing outbursts of speech. Tiny moans and mutters escaped his lips as they slid delicously against hers, capturing them in a heated kiss. Their pace quickened and he found his hands reaching out for the head rest, gripping onto it tightly to stop himself from hurting her in any way. Suddenly a loud crack wreaked through their ears; Carlisle was breaking the headboard. It wasn't normal for his strength to flare up at times like these and he was struggling to control it.

Tiny splinters of wood fell from above her head and nested into her hair, making no difference to her in the slightest, the only thing that mattered right now was him. She gripped at him tighter and moved her hips in sync with his, trying to please him in the best ways possible. It wasn't long before they were gasping for air, almost at their peaks, ready and waiting for something to tip them over the edge, and then it happened; Carlisle bit down onto the skin of her neck, causing an enormous shriek moan to escape her lungs, the feeling was sensational. Carlisle had always been rather sensitive to her sounds, so the sudden scream that emerged from her caused him to hit the roof, spilling inside of her as she reached her climax around him. It was a perfect moment of ecstasy, and he wouldn't have had it any other way. He removed himself from her gently and fell to his side, their eyes locking together instantly.

Quilts covered them, warmth of one another soothed them, and their panting bodies reminded them of the activities they'd just taken part in. All in all, everything was perfect in that moment, Carlisle had his wife by his side and she had been fully satisfied by him, not to mention the fact that she had finally come out of her depression and was going back to her normal state.

_"That was perfect, darling_" she beamed, her breath still shaky.

_"You're telling me, my sweet." _he could barely even string a sentance together for her, he was still on cloud nine.

_"I love you, and I couldn't have asked for anything more," _she explained, their heaving chests dying down slightly.

_"That was just what the doctor ordered," _he whispered playfully, his eyes flicking up at her and locking his honey gaze with hers.

They tangled together once again and fell into a clomatose state, Carlisle's stone arms wrapped around her like a protective cage, keeping her safe from the outisde world, which is exactly what she needed.


	9. Just a Waiting Game

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I am back on track and will be posting more frequently from now on. Thank you to those who are still reading!**

Mornings were always quiet in the Cullen house, but it had become a regular thing for Esme to be up earlier than usual, maybe it was down to her impatientce. The days had felt twice as long, and the nights; even longer. She couldn't wait for their meeting with the adoption agency, it was the only thing she was looking forward to. Carlisle had finished his work for the week and had been home all night, which wasn't usual for him, he usually went out and hunted for them or took their children out hunting, but he stayed put in his study. Esme decided to pay him a quick visit to check he was alright, and just spend a little time with him, but he seemed rather distracted. She pottered silently down the wooden stairs and headed straight for his study before peering through the door, only to find her husband hidden by a mountain of books and photo albums. The sight alone was simply adorable, plus the fact that he was dressed in his white shirt and his braces, she always loved it when he wore them.

_"Hey, handsome." _she whispered as she entered the room.

_"Why, hello there my love" _he beamed, sounding both elated and exhausted.

_"What's all this?.." _she asked hesitantly, brushing her fingers along the back of the old leather couch as she walked towards his cluttered desk.

_"Sorry, I had to get some of our history together for the meeting, they are going to need some kind of background information," _he explained, letting a large book close with a thump.

_"Oh, right.. the meeting. I had completely forgotten" _she lied.

_"Yeah, yeah." _he teased, his eyes peering over the top of the book pile.

_"So, are you all set? Have you got everything?" _she asked, twirling a strand of hair around her index finger.

_"I assume so, yes. I have some old photo albums, and some of our old housing documents, as well as some marriage certificates," _he explained, his eyes wandering over her as he ran through each peice of information in his head.

"_You are adorable, and you don't need to worry. We'll be absolutely fine, they are going to give us a baby, for sure,"_ she explained, falling delicately onto his lap and wrapping one arm over his shoulder.

_"I know, I know. I just can't help but worry about the effect this could have on you if it all goes wrong, and I will be to blame," _he replied, his voice low and raspy.

Esme fell speechless at his words, and found herself clinging to him in attempt to reassure him. She felt more to blame than anyone, if she hadn't craved this so baddly, they wouldn't be in this mess, but she was more than certain that they were going to get this baby, they just had to. She would probably fall apart if it all went wrong now.

_"Everything will be fine," _she whispered reassuringly.

With that, the pair continued on with their day, preparing for their evening meet with the agency. The day dragged on as long as it possibly could until finally five o'clock rolled around.

* * *

_Knock, knock, knock. _

The agent was there, at their house, waiting to talk with them about a possible baby, and they were as prepared as they would ever be. Carlisle answered the door as Esme made the lounge _human _friendly. She placed a pot of tea on the table and laid out some biscuits to go with it, smiling nervously as Carlisle lead the tall brunette lady through the door.

"_Hello there, welcome to our home," _Esme began, leaning forwards to shake her hand, but retracting it away abruptly. She couldn't lose her cool now, she had to act normal, without being too _normal. _

_"Hello, I'm Anna. You must be Esme? Your husband has told me alot about you" _She explained, her eyebrows knitting together with confusion at Esme's actions.

Carlisle tried his hardest to keep calm and collected, but whenever he forced himself to act normal, he always seemed to look uncomfortable and on edge. He sat carefully on the couch, pulling Esme gently against his side once Anna had taken a seat. The pair went rigid, they sat in complete silence as they watched Anna take notes on their home. They had decided to keep talk of their other children to a complete minimum, and they were only set to mention Edward and Alice, as they're the youngest, and they both look a little like Esme. The agencies can be a little difficult if they know you have a lot of children already, and in this case, it would have been impossible to explain their situation to her.

"_So, why did you choose now to adopt? Was it timed, or unplanned?" _she asked, pushing her glasses up.

_"Oh, we've uh.. we've been planning it for a little while." _Carlisle blurted. They needed this to work out, he needed it for her sake.

_"Right, and how old are your previous children?" _She asked.

_"Edward is seventeen and Alice is sixteen, would you like to meet them?" _Esme forced, smiling sincerly.

_"No, It's not mandatory." _ Esme cringed at her words.

"_Is there anything else you need to know about us?" _Carlisle asked, looking over onto her paper.

_"A few things, but we'll get to that soon. What I really need to know is why you want to adopt a baby now, despite the fact that you have two clearly beautiful children.." _she asked, glancing over at the photograph of Edward and Alice.

_"Oh, uh. We've wanted this for a long time.. My wife has very strong maternal instincts and has missed every second of our children's childhood. We just want to have a fresh start.. we were both very young when we adopted our first two." _Carlisle explained, his hand extending out to reach Esme's, gripping it ever so gently.

_"Right.."_ she barely muttered as she scribbled something onto her pad.

The questions continued and the couple struggled through them as planned, but Anna didn't seem too impressed. She kept her head down, buried in her notes, and she was extremely blunt with them both. Carlisle defended his wife as best he could, and Esme answered in the best ways possible, but nothing seemed to work with her, even offering her coffee and tea. Finally, when she had asked them everything she needed to know, she rose from her chair and bowed elegantly to them.

_"I think I have everything I need, we'll be in touch." _she muttered as she headed for the door.

Carlisle was beside her within moments, leading her down the stairs and towards the door. He stood in her way for a moment, his expression was desperate. He couldn't have her leave and not give them something to hope for, or to hold on to, it would torture them.

_"Please, my wife.. sh- she needs this. She has just recovered from her depression, and the only thing keeping her going was the thought of finally getting a baby. Please, you can't do this to her, she'll go straight back down again, and I don't know how long it'll be before she gives up completely.." _Carlisle forced out, trying to sound both compassionate and pleading at the same time.

Anna seemed a little irritated as she glanced up over her glasses at him, her eyes were dark and stern. She rose a hand to her glasses and removed them from her face before speaking, _"I am sorry that she has been put through all of this, but I cannot simply tell you here and now-" _she began, watching as Carlisle's expression shattered into a million pieces. It was like watching an angel sighing. _"Alright. If you must know, I am not fond of your.. wealth or the maticulous way you live, but you ticked all of the mother's boxes, and you'll be perfect for her baby. I'll give you a phonecall later to let you know, I'm sorry, but it's the best I can do" _she finished, sighing quietly as she left.

Carlisle closed the door behind her and watched through the window as she pulled away, his entire body relaxing as she drove away, out of sight, but certainly not out of mind.

"_Esme?" _he called out, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

Before he could even take a step, she was there in front of him, staring hopefully into his eyes. He let the silence continue, and his body do the talking as he leaned forwards, cupping her face with his palms and pressing his lips delicately against hers.

"_She said we ticked all the boxes.." _he whispered against her lips.

_"She- she said what?" _Esme was utterly taken back by his words, she had been in the living room preparing herself for the worst.

"_She is going to call the mother now, and get back to us as soon-" _he didn't even get to finish his sentence before he was rudely interrupted by their telephone ringing.

The pair tensed, their hands locked together and their gazes shot towards the ringing phone. It was the agency, they were calling to tell them about their possible baby. This was it, everything she ever wanted could have been at the end of the line, but so could her worst nightmare.

_"C-Carlisle..answer it." _she blurted, gulping nervously.


	10. Beautiful Disaster

The suspense was killing Esme from the inside out, she had never experienced this kind of thing before and the situation was causing her breathing to increase. Her eyes darted to Carlisle's hand as he reached for the phone, his fingers shaking violently as he moved the device slowly up to his ear.

_"Hello, Cullen residence". _Esme could barely breathe.

Esme's mind fell blank from that moment on, her eyes fixated on her husbands as he um'd and ah'd down the telephone. His voice was cracking a little and Esme began to assume the worst, her eyes filling and her heart beginning to shatter into a million pieces. The thought of this ending badly was starting to stir within her stomach, making her feel the slightest bit nauseas. Minutes felt like hours to her as she awaited Carlisle's response, her eyes full of hope and need as she stared intently at him.

_"O-okay. Thank you for your time, and we look forward to meeting with you again.." _he stated in almost a whisper, his voice trailing off as he put the phone back down slowly.

His eyes made their way up from the floor to meet hers, his expression was completely unreadable to her. Her face became hot and her tears began to fall, despite her vampire traits. Carlisle moved elegantly towards her, his porcelain hand reaching out to touch hers, taking it in his firm hold before pulling her into a reassuring hug.

_"Esme, do not cry. Please, my love.. you don't understand," _he began, kissing her hair gently, "_That was the mother, she wants to meet with us, she's picked us out of hundreds, and we're in a list of two other families." _he explained, his grip tightening on her as he felt her body begin to shake. She was sobbing uncontrollably in his arms, just as she had that second night in the fall.

_"A-are you being serious, Carlisle. Please, please tell me the truth.."_ she begged for an answer, her eyes capturing his in a hopeful gaze.

He didn't even have to answer, his eyes said it all, and who was he to lie about such things, it simply wasn't something Carlisle would do, especially not to her. He placed his hands on her waist and lifted her a few inches off the ground, spinning her in a perfect circle before placing her steadily back on her feet. Her tears soon faded and that beautiful smile that longed so come out shone brightly, this was the first big step towards getting their baby, and it was finally happening. Esme closed her eyes for a brief moment just to take in everything that had just happened and for a split second she thought she might have been dreaming, despite the fact that vampires don't sleep.

_"This actually happening for you, my love. Everything you ever wanted is coming, and I am going to make damn sure that you enjoy every second," _Carlisle whispered, brushing his lips against her ear gently, reaching her lips and pressing them to her soft, icy skin.

_"Everything is coming to us, dear. Not just me, so lets just enjoy this together." _Esme beamed, cupping her husbands handsome face in her hands. _"Gosh, I love you!" _She added with the brightest of smiles.

_"and I love you, Esme.". _Those were the last words spoken for the evening, the pair just settled into their silence and continued on with other things.

* * *

Days had passed and Esme had realised that knitting had never been one of her specialities, but she was determined to learn how to do it, not for her benefit, but for that of her child's. Vampires were usually very coordinated and very fast, yet Esme didn't seem to have picked up this talent during her change. She was very clumsy and found Carlisle rescuing her from the ground most of the time. _Cross, hook, pull, repeat; _How hard could it be?

Esme huffed quietly as she made another failed attempt at a baby blanket, crossing the wool over one too many times, causing the entire thing to look like a mass of yarn. She was never going to get the hang of it, and nobody was going to help her, so she decided to take up an old hobby; painting. She pranced into her old design room, grabbing an easel and some colours, a pallet and some water. Once she was set, she headed for the library, she always got the best view there, and she was determined to paint something glorious that she could hang in her child's nursery. After an hour of flicks and dips of her brush, the painting was complete. She'd painted the willow tree hanging over their lilly pond, the sight alone was beautiful, but Esme's version was simply breathtaking. Once she was satisfied with her work and she was sure that it was dry, she carried it under her arm and bounded towards the room where her husband was sure to be; his study.

Esme pranced around the last corner of the hallway and began to tiptoe towards the door to Carlisle's study, little did she know that she was about to intrude on a conversation that had the potential to wreck her. She reached the door and was ready to leap in through it, when she heard whispering and sighing. These were two sounds that worried her, Carlisle was never a secretive man, but he was hiding something from her now, and she was anxious to know exactly what it was.

_"No, no. We completely understand, thank you for your time." _ these were words that she didn't want to hear, they sounded important, and he used the word 'we', implying that she was involved. She heard some low mumbling before some of her most dreaded words, "_We just hope this won't be our only chance at having a baby, I mean, they'll be other babies, right?" _he asked, his voice was low and raspy. There was some more mumbling and then the room went deadly quiet, anyone could have heard a pin drop.

Pounding sounds began to rack through Esme's body and she suddenly felt suffocated, like she was being strangled on the spot. Her heart raced and her head spun, causing her to drop the painting she was holding under her arm. She slapped her hand over her mouth to cover up the choking sobs that were threatening to arise and she ran at vampire speed into the garden, throwing herself against the roots of the willow tree. Once she was clear from anyone's view she removed her hand and released the sobs that she'd been holding back, failing to hide them as they echoed around the garden and probably back to the house.

Elsewhere, a confused Carlisle exited his office, only to find a beautiful disaster on the carpet. He picked up her painting in it's now broken frame and released a long sigh, piecing everything together in his head.

_"She's going to hit rock bottom, you know. You better prepare her for the Fall"_ a beautiful low voice whispered from across the hall. Alice sat on the windowsill, staring mournfully out the window at what he assumed was Esme. Realisation hit him then; she was tumbling towards rock bottom faster then he could comprehend, and he was going to be almost powerless to stop her, she was _going _to fall.


	11. The Fall

Comfort's a funny thing to a vampire, they find it in the most peculiar things. Edward finds it in his piano, and Rosalie in her clothes. Carlisle discovered it in his work, and Esme found it in the arms of her husband. Since the day she learned they would not receive the baby, she spent most of her mornings there, and many of her evenings too, she was almost incapable of being away from him. Carlisle didn't seem to mind, he could sit there for hours on end with her, he could read, write or simply admire his wife's beauty. Some days they would lay out in the sun together under that same tree she saw comfort in before, and some days they would simply curl up on the leather couch in his office. They kept themselves hidden away from the children most of the time, it wasn't nice for them to have to see Esme this way, after all. The times when Carlisle had to work, Esme would either paint, or attempt to sculpt something, both of which kept her occupied until her husband returned and she could take her rightful place in his arms again.

* * *

_"Carlisle, is that you?" _Esme's voice trickled through the hallway, reaching her loves ears.

Carlisle wasted no time in replying to her, he simply hung up his white Doctors jacket and dropped his black leather bag, rushing up the stairs, her scent leading him to her exact location. He stopped in the door frame and released a bright smile at what he found. His wife had a small easel propped up on their bed and was painting something, she was on her knees in a satin night dress, swishing and flicking her brush against the blank canvas. Esme's eyes darted up to meet his, her heart practically stopping at the sight of him.

_"Someone's been busy?" _he mumbled as he entered the room, moving to sit on the side of the bed gently. He pressed his lips to her temple for a moment before letting her continue with her work.

_"It's my son, I- uh.. I painted him from memory."_ She whispered, tracing the outline of the infants face with a tiny brush.

_"He's beautiful, Esme."_ Carlisle muttered. It wasn't a lie, but there were hidden thoughts behind his words.

He wasn't entirely sure of why she had chosen to paint her son, the son that'd died. He knew it must have been traumatic for her, but Vampires weren't supposed to remember much about their human lives. His face was was small and worn, and he was wrapped in one of those blue hospital blankets. He looked like Esme, he had her nose in fact. He assumed this was one way of her dealing with her unhappiness, but it was strange and he couldn't understand how bring up an old memory would be of any help, if anything it would make her worse.

_"Isn't he just," _she replied, her eyes fixated on the image she'd just completed. _"I've been thinking of him alot, actually.." _she explained, biting down on her lip gently.

_"Esme, this isn't healthy.." _he stated bluntly. He knew this was going to be a pained conversation, but it had to be said. They were avoiding her pain, and she was clearly becoming messed up.

_"I- I don't know what you mean, Carlisle.." _she whined.

_"You painting this child has made me realise how upset and hurt you are over what has happened, and I am going to fix it. I won't have you feeling like this forever, my love. I promise.." _his voice dropped to a whisper.

_"I don't want to feel like this, I want to feel normal, to feel complete. I love you, I do.. and you are everything I need, you know that, right?" _she cried, _"but I can't help but feel as if there's something missing, like there's a hole that needs filling.." _she kept her eyes fixed on the painting, her hands bunching up in the sheets beneath her.

_"Oh Esme.. I am so terribly sorry. I should be enough for you, and I will fix that. I have to fix it, not only for us, but for everyone in this family." _he explained knowingly. He knew that everything was at breaking point and they were on the verge of falling apart, but he couldn't let that happen, he just couldn't.

Carlisle reached for her hands, placing his own over them in a supportive manner. His began tracing small circles over her perfect white knuckles with his thumb. This was clearly going to be harder than he had anticipated. Alice had mentioned something in a private conversation and it'd caused a thought to arise. Alice's vision had been set somewhere hot, with blue water and white sand, but he'd never actually thought about it until now. How could he have been so oblivious to her vision, she'd seen Isle Esme. What a brilliant idea, that would certainly keep her mind off things for a little while, wouldn't it.

_"E-Esme, how would you feel about taking a short break? Maybe go and visit the island again?" _he asked, watching as her eyes finally met his.

_"I- uh. It could be.. um, good for us.. couldn't it? I suppose it could.." _she mumbled, her teeth sinking into her lip as sne sighed nervously.

_"We don't have to, it just seems like a good idea to me. We could get away, spend some more time together and it may help you feel better.." _he explained.

_"But, what about the children? they can't stay here alone, can they.. they would wreck the place.. I- um, I don't know."_ Before she knew it, she was rambling.

Carlisle took his loves hands into his own and pressed a gentle kiss to them, his eyes met hers in a hopeful gaze. _"Esme, listen to me; They will be absolutely fine, I will leave Jasper in charge, and I'll keep in contact with Alice and Edward anyway. Don't you worry about them, you know if they start to misbehave, Rose will just put them into their places. She's scary like that. Now, you and I are going to pack up some things and we're going to leave tonight." _He finished his little speech with a slight nod of his head, before leaning in to press his pale lips against hers.

Esme was powerless to say no to him, other than his compassion, this was one of his strengths, power of persuasion. It was all settled then, they were going to leave tonight and spend a a week or two in Isle Esme, maybe this was exactly what she needed, a small break from reality.


	12. Isle Esme

a simple goodbye had never been so difficult, at least not for Esme. It was interesting to her, each of their words effected her differently. Edwards words echoed in her ears throughout the entire journey '_Please, find something to ground you' _and then a simple '_goodbye,_' It was strange to her, she had been looking for something to complete her, to ground her, but she had been neglecting the very thing that was doing so already. Edward and the others were supposed to be her life, her special thing that tied her down, they had been there all along, she just hadn't seen it. Alice and Jasper simply wished her luck, and told her they were thinking of her, and Emmet practically did the same, but Rosalie didn't seem to take it so well. She had craved a child for so long, and Carlisle had ripped that chance away from her, granted it was with the best intentions, but Esme believed that deep down she still resented him a little for it.

_"Are you okay?" _Carlisle's voice snapped her out of her daydream.

_"Yes, I'm- I'm fine."_ she lied.

Rosalie hadn't even said goodbye to her and that alone was making her feel terrible. She was clearly feeling neglected, and Esme had done nothing to make her feel better, all because she'd been wrapped up in her own little world.

"_Are you sure, my love. You seem to be rather distant from me?" _snapped from her daydream once again.

_"I am just worrying about Rose, she seems to have so much pent up anger, and she's not even speaking to me" _She explained, her mind still elsewhere.

_"She'll come around, I promise."_ he stated quietly.

With that, Carlisle simply nodded, he always knew when to stop with her and that was something she loved most about him, he never pried unless he really needed to. They made their way across the sea from Rio, the boat rocking over the gentle waves. Her eyes drifted across the water, her mind began to wander and she felt as though her thoughts were lost at sea. Before she could even snap herself back into reality they had arrived, smack on time and they'd travelled at human speed. The pair left the boat and carried their belongings to the large beach house, dumping them just inside the door before collapsing down onto the soft couch. Vampires weren't supposed to feel tired, or lethargic but the journey had really drained them both, after all it wasn't every day they travelled half way across the world at human speed.

_"So, what now?" _Esme asked, her head lulling back against her husbands solid chest.

_"Now we work on you, work on making you feel centred and happy, because seeing you this distressed is causing my heart to break, all over again" _Carlisle explained, his eyes closing as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

_"Again?, when did it break before? and might I just add that our hearts cannot break anymore, Carlisle"_ she tried to tease him.

_"It was more of a metaphor, and you know what I mean, my love." _he said with a small chuckle. "_and to answer your first question, it broke the moment I saw your face again. You were so close to death, I couldn't bare to see an angel die, my heart wouldn't allow it." _he explained, his eyebrows knitting together ever so slightly.

Carlisle's words caused a certain kind of sickening feeling to emerge in her stomach, her eyes would be filling if they could.

_"I had no idea you felt that way, I'm so sorry.." _she choked, rolling onto her stomach so she was able to see his face, her hands instantly reaching to cup his cheeks. "_You have no idea how much I love you, and how thankful I am for what you did to me." _she replied, reaching up to kiss his lips gently. "_I just hope you don't get fed up with me, I mean you have got me forever." _she teased.

_"Forever isn't so bad, my love. Not when I get to keep my angel with me." _he whispered, finding her lips.

There was a little spark of electricity between them, it was almost like their first kiss all over again. Esme couldn't deny that she had the most amazing husband a woman could ask for, and she would never take him for granted again. Apologies rolled from her lips as they caressed her partners ones, her cold breath brushing over his skin as her kisses trailed down towards his neck. Esme had always been fascinated by his scars, she loved his bite marks, they were a part of him, a part of them that could never be taken away. She traced the outline with her index finger, her eyes fixing onto the pale white skin of his neck, before she ducked her head down and pressed a light kiss to the exact spot.

_"I love you, Esme." _he breathed, resting his chin atop of her head.

Esme didn't need to respond, Carlisle already knew exactly how she felt, so she simply closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, . taking in her husbands scent, too. The whole room fell silent and all that was left to do was breathe, she felt like she could finally breathe. Her eyes fell closed as a large sigh left her lips, in that moment it was almost as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders, leaving her relieved and finally on the pathway to recovery.


End file.
